i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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