Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
