My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
