she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just found puke in my bra..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
