this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
