I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
