watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
