Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
