You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
