hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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