I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
