who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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