I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
