He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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