So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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