I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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