I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
