you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
