I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
