Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize