watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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