i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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