My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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