Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
