I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
