even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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