Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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