The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
