Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
