People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
