yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
