Umm I'm too high to move.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
