Can Purell be used as lube?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
