don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
