some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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