I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
