There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
