So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
