Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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