i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
