She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize