He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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