Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
