Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
