hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
