Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
