Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
