The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
