Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
