I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Randomize
