We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
