So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
