do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize