Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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