paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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