oh god the rape fog is back!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
