the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
