i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
