i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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