This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
