you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
