My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize